Conflict and Confrontation

By | September 6, 2008

I think I’ve blogged along these lines before, but it doesn’t hurt to revisit. A while ago, some things that someone was doing were annoying me. I thought about this a bit and recognized a couple of things. Usually when this happens, the natural reaction is to start acting like a jerk towards the person and/or start bad-mouthing the person to other people. Neither of these actions are right, and I’ve learned from past experience that often times the person doesn’t realize that they are doing anything to bug you. In other words, a person does something and you believe it ought to be as obvious to them as it is to you that they are doing something wrong. So you start acting like a jerk. Meanwhile, the person very well may be clueless as to what is going on and why you are acting such as you are. This doesn’t seem very productive, does it?

When looked at this way, the obvious thing to do is to talk to the person who is bugging you. For people with non-confrontational personalities such as my self, this can be hard to do. In my mind, the goal of talking to the person is to communicate your perspective in such a way that they are open to hearing it. Calmly communicate exactly what is bothering you and avoid judgement and personal criticism. Hopefully, if they’re a decent person and your request is reasonable, they’ll change the situation. I say this because when annoyed, it can be easy to communicate in a way which attacks the person in general. They’ll hear you loud and clearly as you give them a piece of your mind. However, they aren’t likely to be aren’t open to accepting it but are rather likely be closed and defensive. I don’t feel that this is generally a positive solution as it may not change things at all. It’s more likely to just put distance in your relationship.

photo credit: M. Pratter via photopin cc

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