British Crime Wave Coming to United States

By | March 23, 2005

Look out, America! Two British men are planning to criss-cross the entire United States and engage in a massive, weeks-long crime wave.

They plan to break literally dozens of U.S. laws. And the brazen pair is even bragging openly about their plans to the media.

Of course, there’s more to the story. The laws they intend to break are of the “so stupid you can’t believe it” variety. And the U.S. has zillions of these — local, state, and federal — just begging to be broken.

“There are thousands of stupid laws in the United States, but we are limiting ourselves to breaking about 45 of them,” Richard Smith told the UK Guardian newspaper.

Among the laws that Smith and his partner-in-crime Luke Bateman are planning to violate:

* Riding a bike in a swimming pool in California.
* Cursing on a miniature golf course, also in California.
* Whale-hunting in the landlocked state of Utah
* Sleeping in a cheese factory in South Dakota.

Their trip will take an estimated eight weeks and cover 18,000 miles — assuming, of course, they manage to evade capture from law enforcers.

And the pair will face other difficulties as well.

“Driving round the town square 100 times in Oxford, Mississippi, is going to take forever because there are no roundabouts,” Smith told the Guardian. “And I’m rubbish at walking on my hands, so crossing the street in Hartford, Connecticut, while walking on them is going to be very difficult.”

Smith and Bateman are hoping to get a book deal to cover expenses — and any possible fines.

America has thousands of laughable laws, seldom or never enforced.
(According to, which tracks such things, you can’t keep a donkey in a bathtub in Georgia, you can’t sing off-key in North Carolina,
and you risk a whopping $500 fine if you detonate a nuclear device in Chico, California. And heaven help you if you shoot a hole in a penny anywhere in America — you can get up to five years in prison for that.)

We can all get a good laugh from contemplating such absurdities. Unfortunately, though, Americans are saddled with numerous other equally absurd and unjustifiable laws — and these are regularly enforced, with harsh penalties.

(Sources: The Guardian:,12271,1425731,00.html
Absurd laws: )

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