By | May 9, 2005

It seems that recently both I and a large majority of my friends have been going through relational issues (in this case referring to romantic relationships). So soon I’m going to have to spark a discussion on this issue. First problem is that is seems to be somewhat of a touchy issue though, and one which I admit I’m very hesitant to be completely forth coming about everything I think and feel about it. The other problem is the primary reason I want to discuss the topic though. I realize that I don’t have a philosophy of relationships worked out in my head yet. Beyond that, I think that our culture, through media, has feed us one version, that isn’t a very good one. The problem is that I feel the church has been pretty silent as far as offering an alternative way of thinking about it. When they have said anything, it’s only been a list of things you really shouldn’t do, with the only reason given besides simply “the bible says so” being individualistic consequences like, “If you have sex you could get and STD.” Obviously this hasn’t been much help. For the most part, I think christians have just gone along with the flow of the culture, which is why I think most all of our sexual promiscuity stats are just as bad as non-christians. (Side note: In my thinking, sex and relationships are intertwined in a way that you can’t really address one without the other. If we are to create a philosophy of relationships, we must along with that have a philosophy of sexuality.)

The problem with not having a philosophy on this subject, or having a flawed one, should be obvious: broken relationship, pain, confusion, hurt, and beyond that many more “trickle down” issues that at the end affect our society as a whole for generations. Relationships and the desire for such are one of the very fundamental parts of being human, so being off in that area can seriously affect a person as a whole I think. I know I’ve been hurt by this, and I probably least of just about anyone. So I suppose that’s my introduction of sorts, and my case of why I want to learn in this area, and why I think it’s important that we as Christians address it.

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  • Sunshine2316

    so what were you thinking that you weren’t going to post on my site? now i’m all curious. if you have suggestions for CAH ministries, i want to hear about them!
    yeah, you missed an interesting time at Maurice’s last night. and sheryl was asked where you were. lol.

  • ladyofglass

    I’d be interested in seeing what you come up with.

    The problem with coming up with a “philosophy on relationships” is that we often think that, if we could just come up with a philosophy, or a plan, that is “right”, then we “won’t ever get hurt again” or “won’t ever hurt anyone else”.

    The fact is, it all comes down, I think, to loving one another… however that plays out in your particular situation and cultural surroundings. Ideally, if you’re putting the other person first, and they’re putting you first, then you can both count on being first at some point. But… since we don’t live in an ideal world, and we’re people who are a mess… that’s something to strive for, certainly, but there is no set of rules that will protect us from harm, or protect others from the harm that we can inflict, completely.

    A friend of mine said once, “relationships are messes”. I think that pretty much sums it up. And we risk the mess, for the possibility of showing love and experiencing fellowship… and it is fellowship. Dating relationships would hopefully one day lead to a marriage which is a kind of fellowship that one cannot experience in any other relationship. It is entirely unique.

    I guess I’m not saying “don’t have philosophies” and “don’t have rules”, but I am saying be careful how many you have, and how perfect you expect them to be.

    Again, I’d be interested to see what you come up with.


  • MBroaddus

    oh, i have lots of philosophies. i can go on for quite a bit on this topic. relationships, dating, and sexual issues. then again, i am writing a book on this topic. where would you like me to begin spewing my opinions?

    i know that we, as a church, have done a poor job of communicating a biblical philosophy of dating and sexuality (courting as a dating alternative and “because the bible says so” doesn’t quite cut it). and judging from the people i’ve been counseling lately, and where they are coming/starting from, i think we’d almost have to start out at what are relationships and why are they important. and why is it important that
    we do them right and well.

  • afriendnamedben

    obviously there is a demand for thought out ideas here. I’d be interested in your thoughts too.